10.17.

If I had it my way I would take a #2 pencil and erase all October 17th's off the calendar for the rest of time. Just go away, already. Enough. 

Today would have been my three year wedding anniversary. Gosh, that day was beautiful. It was every girl's dream. It was my dream. Our dream. Okay, no. It was MY dream, I just didn't know it at the time. I have literally played those vows over and over in my mind until it makes me sick. Just go away, already. Enough.

Today I am off. I feel off. I feel sad. Depressed. Angry. Sorry for myself. Sorry for my family. Sorry for my daughter. My peace for today is disrupted and I don't know how to make it stop. Do I pray? Do I cry? Do I ignore it? 

For now, I give myself permission to be sad. But, not for long. I will have to dig pretty deep for peace today, but dig I will. I think I will find it buried somewhere.

October 17th. I forgive you. I am letting you go. 

Peace be with you.